Yes, forget. I've forgiven them.

There wasn't much to do today, but there's a short video that I took...

I'm feeling quite lazy right now, so I'll save that one for next time.

And so, on to the main topic.

It's regarding her.

Ever since last year, I've remained stuck on the same stepping stone. There's been no progress. None. Zero. So, I'm going to make a big step in becoming better.

I'm going to forget.

It's not much, but I'll try. It'll be a little promise. Reason being, ever since last year, I've been doing some very stupid things. I've been rushing down the moment recess starts just to get a glimpse of her before she goes into her class. I've been making stupid excuses just to go down and walk near her class, like buying another piece of bread or getting another drink. I've been observing the times when she leaves the class according to the timetable and walking right outside the extra class hoping that she'll see me. And now it just seems all so STUPID.

All that, for someone who probably doesn't even notice my physical existence.

There's something I live by. I call it Aura. To me, Aura is important. It decides if you advance. Aura is shown by how many people notice you when you enter a specific area. And mine seems so pathetic. I have friends telling me that they can sense if I'm right behind them, as though I have a strong Aura. Yeah, an Aura of a stalker.

According to what I observed, many others I know have some kind of magnificent Aura that actually lets me know that they're there once they enter the room. Others such as myself can stay unnoticed for short periods of time before anyone actually notices that we are right beside them. It's useful sometimes, but it's not what I desire. I want to be noticed. By friends. By strangers. By her.

Back to the topic, I'm going to forget about her. About when it started. About how much I long to see her. Even if it's impossible, I'm going to try. Even if it feels like stabbing myself with a hundred swords, I will try to forget everything. Because I know that no matter how long I dream, it will never come true. Feelings don't just come back the way I wish it. Just today, after school, I saw her. It was probably something else I refer to as chance, something which power far exceeds the Aura but comes so rarely that I don't bother relying on it.

And so I saw her. But did she see me?

Chances. Now that I think about it, so many have come my way, only to be pushed away by my own stupidity and foolishness. Just earlier this year, a group of girls came to ask me if Ramadan, a retained student in my class, was in school. I was afraid to make eye contact, so I behaved rather erratically. I probably made them feel as if I hated them. So it became worse.

All that, and with Xozaron suddenly appearing in my head just now. Right after I saw her, I left the school. And as I was walking, his voice resounded in my head...

As usual, he warned me to stop dreaming. To just live in reality. To forget about useless desires and pursue what was in reach. I didn't want to listen to these words months ago, but I always knew that he was right. That I simply had to let go. But I didn't want to. Because I knew that it would hurt. It would hurt more than that broken romance in primary school. I knew it would. And so I remained happy, ignoring Xozaron's words and desiring what was always too far.

Romance. I've been trying so hard to forget what it felt like. To feel so happy just to be able to see her face, to get so depressed when she didn't appear like she usually did... I tried so hard, convincing myself that it was all a big lie. That it was all false. That that girl probably hated me and didn't even notice my existence, that to her I was just some pebble on the beach.

But even then, I couldn't stop dreaming. I still felt overjoyed when I saw her every day at the Arena. And when she didn't sit there like she usually did, I simply felt so empty. As long as I got to see her, that was fine - nothing else mattered.

But right now, I'm going to believe in what Xozaron has to say. Just a little. So I don't get consumed. I'll stop rushing down hoping to see her face. I'll stop walking up and down the school hoping that she will notice me. I'll even stop going for recess if it can lessen the pain. As long as I don't know how she will react when she finds out about this, I'll probably continue living my life the way it is, clinging on to what little hope there is of her not rejecting me if I ever confessed. My heart has never broken before, but it has sank. I don't want to feel the pain again. Anything but that...

And now, some final notes.

Kelin: You guessed it right. Although it's not much to be happy about now, I guess.

Jazz: You know her. Shi Ying knows her. Should be quite narrowed down now.

Okay, nothing else. I think.

Xozaron, Singing Out.